Chopper Chicks in Zombietown aka Chrome Hearts (1989)
When I look at the poster for this film on IMDb it has written in big bold letters across half of the poster “Starring Academy Award Winner Billy Bob Thornton”. Well apart from the fact this film was made 7 years before Billy Bob won his Oscar for writing “Slingblade“, starring is about as big a lie as they come for a movie poster. He was probably had about 15 or 20 minutes of screen time and died well before the action started. I kept waiting and hoping he would rise from the dead for a little Billy Bob zombie action, but sadly that never happened. The fact the this movie is false advertising and called “Chopper Chicks from Zombietown” can pretty much tell you what to expect.
A gang of biker chicks ride into a small town for a drink and some action. This town happens to be the hometown of one of the chopper chicks and also happens to be experiencing a bit of a zombie problem. As usual the caretaker of the cemetery is enjoying playing god by bringing corpses back to life to work in the local mines, but they end up taking over the town. Dede, the chopper chick from the town, tries to persuade the gang to stay and help the people of this town or they’ll all die. She ends up persuading all but the leader of their gang who rides off looking out for her own skin. In order to stop the zombies they’ll need the help of a school bus full of blind children and a midget.
Chopper chicks, blind kids, midgets, I know that all sounds good in theory but somehow this film did a really good job of making all that really boring to watch. We spent most of the film trying to figure out what was going on. Never got a good sense of why the caretaker was bringing the dead back to life, except for his line “I didn’t do it for science. I didn’t do it for glory. I’m just mean!” which didn’t really do it for me. There were a few good laughs in this film, mostly to do with the blind kids or midget, but they were few and far between. And what a waste of a golden opportunity to zombify Billy Bob Thornton. He played the crappy ex-husband of Dede who is one of the first to get bitten, it’s almost a zombie rule that he has to come back at the end as a zombie so she can blow his brains out. Oh well, they can’t all be winners.
Best Line:“You’re a slut, try to act like it”
First Bite – 45 min 15 secs
Zombie Bite Count – 2
First Zombie Kill – 45 min 41 secs
Zombie Kill Count – 25+