House of the Dead (2003)
I never thought the worst film I’d ever watch would also be a zombie film. But I guess when you watch as many zombie films as I watch the law of averages kicks in.
“House of the Dead” is loosely based off the video game of the same title. It follows a group of party goers as they head to a mysterious island for the rave of the century. Pretty quickly though it all goes to hell, and turns into a weekend no one will soon forget.
When I say this movie is loosely based off the video game, I mean very loosely. There is little resemblance to this film and the game, other than they inter-cut quick 3 second clips of the game in between scenes. This game footage is distracting, jarring, and confusing. It has no place in the film, along with most things in the film. It’s a little surprising that the film with the most zombie kill count thus far, as well as topless ladies count, ended up being the most boring film thus far. It goes to show that you can’t just get by on zombie slaying alone. Since I could care less about any of the characters I cared even less about the zombies they killed. I wouldn’t recommend this film to anyone, living or undead. This movie will rot your brain and leave you asking “How can I get that last hour and half of my life back and steal it from the producers of this film in the process.”
Best Line: “You created all of this to be immortal, why?”
“So I can live forever”
Best Weapon: The movie itself. Play it for any zombies, or enemies you have in general, and watch them shrivel into nothingness.
Worse than “Wing Commander” enough said. (Interestingly enough also a video game film)
First Bite – 40 min 41 secs
Zombie Bite Count – 5
First Zombie Kill – 33 min 17 secs
Zombie Kill Count – 85+